Family Systems

 Hello everyone!

Whether I mean to or not, I catch myself observing families and how members interact with one another. I watch my own family as well but I do love learning about how other people's families work together and show their love for one another. It's intriguing because most of the time there are differences between what I experienced growing up with my family and how other families show their love. Those differences usually aren't a bad thing, but I guess it makes sense when I don't understand when other families work differently than mine. Family is based on the word "familiar", so when there are families that are different from mine, it just is not familiar to me. 

It seems like in families, each person plays a role. Some roles may be the troublemaker, the peacemaker, the rock, or the decision-maker. There are so many roles that are created in families to fulfill the needs that family members feel are necessary. Often those roles are not vocally designated to individuals but rather implied and members often fill the roles subconsciously. This concept that there are roles in the family is called the Family Systems Theory. We learned about this in our class and it made me think of what my role is in my family. To be honest, I find it hard to know what my role really is and what it has been in the past for my family. I could assign several roles to my parents and siblings but it is hard to think of what my role is and how I contribute to my own family system. This was very interesting to me because I realized we often categorize other people into one category while as an individual, we may feel there is not one that would fit us. Maybe I should change how quickly I categorize others into one box.  

I had a few questions after learning about this Family Systems Theory. First, do we only have one role to play in a family, and do we ever lose those roles that we play? While trying to figure out what my own role was in my family, I did come to the conclusion that every person plays more than one role in the family. There may be a major role that a person fills the majority of the time but I think as human beings, we all have variety in who we are and at times we may want to take a role that isn't our normal. Do we ever stop having the role in our families that we had as children or earlier in life? I believe to a degree we do. I feel that as each person in a family develops and grows we tend to shift what roles we play. Our priorities may shift and even personalities may change to a degree. But I also believe at times when families are together we can fall into those roles that we had originally. I have seen this at times at family gatherings. I feel so different when I am in college and away from home but when I go home for Christmas or thanksgiving or even just to visit, it seems that I revert to a former version of myself. This isn't always bad but it is telling me that at times we will always keep roles that we originally had if the family feels they are necessary. 

The final question that I have is, are these family roles a negative thing? We are such complex beings. Why do we categorize each other into one box that seems to limit one another? I feel that these roles, even when they are not vocally expressed in families, will happen no matter what. This is the way that families and any group of people effectively get things done. Each person takes a role to contribute to the collective whole and it usually always works out. I guess my final response to my initial question is that these roles with happen no matter what and at times it is good to have roles for each other, but we need to allow others to merge and develop into their true and authentic selves. Acknowledge and even assist others in their attempts to change their roles if they want. I believe that when we are happy that others are changing and becoming more complex, we ourselves can feel freer to do the same. 

 Families are amazing and I love to see how each family is different! I hope to learn more about this topic and share more information with you soon.